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  “Rile, do you remember Grandpa’s place at all? During the summers?”

  “Sure. Way too hot and so many mosquitoes we got bites on our asses.” He nods. “Why?”

  “Were there any…kids we played with there? Any kids our age you remember?”

  “Yvonne. She lived across the street.”

  “Any others?”

  “Jake came over sometimes and we played with those huge nerf guns. And there was Leonardo. We played basketball and went swimming in the river a lot.”

  The names are familiar, and I can almost put faces to them. But Leonardo? I remember nothing about a Leonardo. Lee! Lee-onardo? Is that his real name? It can’t be.

  “Who’s Leonardo? What did he look like?”

  “Scrawny guy your age, I think. His hair was crazy wild, like he never brushed it, and he was really mean at first. But when he got to know us he was pretty cool. Grandpa used to tell me to be nice to him because he didn’t have a mom.”

  That must be Lee. It has to be. But why can’t I remember small details like Riley can? Is my memory that bad? Some of the mystery is solved – Lee knew us growing up. We spent summers together.

  “Why can’t I remember him at all?” I frown. Riley shrugs.

  “You guys were pretty close. I used to give you guys shit about it and sing ‘K-I-S-S-I-N-G’ at you all the time. And then you just stopped talking about him one day and he never came back to the house.”

  And now the mystery’s gotten even weirder. I rub my eyes. “God, I’m so confused.”

  “Me too! You come in here looking really depressed and don’t tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Don’t you have enough girls to worry about?” I motion to his text-buzzing phone.

  “You’re special.” He flashes me a smirk.

  “Don’t worry about me. Worry about yourself.”

  “Hah. I have no worries.”

  “I know,” I say. I get up and pause in his doorway. “And I want to keep it that way.”

  ~~~

  I dream about Grandpa’s sunflower field again.

  The cicadas hum relentlessly, the heady scent of hot earth and rotting hay assailing my nose. Sunflowers don’t smell like anything except sap. But they’re beautiful.

  I’m running through the field, looking for him again. Who? I can’t remember. But it’s someone very important to me. I shout their name over and over, the word echoing but indistinct. All I know is I have to find him, or something very bad will happen. I run until my legs ache and my lungs are on fire. And just as I’m about to give up hope, I hear the sound of a rushing creek nearby. I’m close. He must be down there, by the creek.

  I wake up, my dark room nothing compared to the colors and scents of my dream.

  Chapter Five

  In Which Lee Montenegro Tries To Convince Me Other Boys Suck

  My first day back at work, Kory tries to set me up on a date.

  “C’mon, party girl.” He pops an empty tray out and replaces it with fresh rolls. “He’s a really cool guy.”

  “I’ve had enough of ‘cool’ guys,” I sigh and lean my chin on my hand. “From now on, I want someone decidedly uncool. Someone who doesn’t think they’re all that and a half.”

  “Oh, you mean egotistical guys. Brendan’s not like that at all, I promise. Look, it’s just one date. If you don’t like it he won’t –”

  The bell rings over the bakery doors and a guy comes in. His blonde hair is wavy, mussed in a devil-may-care way, and his dark blue peacoat only accentuates how tall he is. His smile is bright and infectious.

  “Hi. I’d like a tall Americano with cream.”

  “I’ll get it,” Kory says. The guy looks to me.

  “A little slow this time of day, huh?” He asks.

  “Yeah.” I’m suddenly nervous. “But it’ll pick up soon. The three o’clock afternoon slump is coming up, and the only thing that seems to beat it is coffee.”

  “And chocolate.” He motions to a row of doughnuts. “I think I’ll take one.”

  I wrap it for him, and Kory delivers his drink to the counter. As money exchanges hands, I accidentally drop the change. It spills across the counter.

  “Oh, damn! I’m so sorry –”

  “It’s no problem.” He smiles, and helps me gather the coins. I press them into his hand, and he puts them in the tip jar. “This morning I dropped a whole can of paint on my car, so this is pretty mild.”

  “A whole can? Is it going to be alright?”

  “The car? Yeah. My pride as I ride around L.A. with a huge pink spot on the hood? Not so much.”

  I laugh, and he laughs with me. There’s a comfortable silence Kory jumps in the middle of.

  “Hey Brendan.”

  “Hi.” The blonde guy smiles.

  “This is her, by the way.” Kory whispers, even though I can hear, and flits off to sweep the floor free of muffin crumbs. Brendan – this is the blind date guy Kory’s trying to set me up with.

  “Sorry, ignore him. He’s felt the need to matchmake for me since we were in second grade,” Brendan sighs. “Gets real annoying.”

  “No, it’s fine, I –”

  “Don’t do it out of pressure, that’d be weird. Just, if you want, I’ll be at the megaplex tonight at six with an extra ticket. And a pound of peanut brittle I’ll be trying to sneak in.”

  “It’d be easier to sneak in if you had a purse.” I point out.

  “I know! That’s why I need a beautiful woman in the first place – for her pursey snack sneaking abilities.”

  We laugh. There’s that pause again. He takes his doughnut and coffee almost nervously and flashes me one last smile. Kory waits till he’s gone to ambush me.

  “So? What did you think? He’s cute, right?”

  “If you like him so much, maybe you should go out with him.”

  “Blondes aren’t my thing.” Kory winks. I roll my eyes and focus on wiping the counter. Kory nudges me. “Seriously though, what’s eating you?”

  “Why does everyone keep asking that? Do I really look that horrible?”

  Kory’s quiet, and then sighs. “If you need to talk, I’m here.”

  I’ve known him for two years now. I regret snapping at him instantly. “I’m sorry. I’m just going through some stuff right now. I’ll figure it out.”

  “Of course you will.” He playfully hits my butt with a washcloth. “You’re Rose-freaking-Jensen, cool party girl, composed at every turn, and a very good cappuccino maker.”

  When my shift is over, I head for the dorms, intent on getting some sleep. I don’t really want to go out with Brendan, not because I don’t like him (how could any sane person not like that smile), but because it’s not fair to him. I’m still confused and infuriatingly drawn to Lee. Brendan is cute, but nothing compared to Lee’s quiet mystery and joking charm. I feel bad for sort-of rejecting Brendan by not going tonight, but I’ve got more pressing issues – like the stack of scholarship forms for me to fill out on my desk. I have to get something by Christmas, or half my classes and my housing is done for – no more dorm, no more meal plans. It’s hard to concentrate on anything when the stress of knowing I might be living in the L.A. streets hangs over my head.

  I open the dorm door and push in, shedding my heavy coat. Selena’s bed is occupied. By a boy. Selena’s nowhere to be found – the showers, probably. I heave a sigh. This isn’t the first time she’s done this, but I’d learned to live with it. Or around it. More precisely, I’ve learned how to kick a sleepy, half-naked guy out of her bed. I pick up an empty cookie tin and a spoon and start banging. The guy lurches awake. Dark hair, bleary hazel eyes, and a dusky, toned body I’d seen quite a few times. His eyes meet mine and go from sleepy to wide awake in a flash.

  “You.” I feel sick to my stomach.

  “Rose!” He nearly jumps out of bed, boxers still on, thankfully. “I didn’t know you –”

  “Would be back so early?” I snarl.

  “I didn’t know you and her were r
oommates,” He scrabbles for his discarded t-shirt. I whirl around to avoid looking at his…everything. My eyes prickle, tears threatening. Why? Why am I crying? Pull it together, Rose. You can’t let him see how he affects you like this.

  “Rose –” Lee starts.

  “Just get out.”

  “Will you listen to me for one second?”

  I pivot, my anger bubbling over. He’s fully clothed and looking at me with those wounded eyes, like I was the one who did something wrong.

  “Why should I? Why did I ever think that kiss was something genuine? God, I’m an idiot.”

  “It was genuine –” He scowls.

  “How genuine is it when you turn around and sleep with my roommate?”

  “For the last time, I didn’t know she was your roommate!”

  “So if she wasn’t, it’d be okay to sleep with her anyway. Just as long as I didn’t know. You really are a sleazy man-slut.”

  “I didn’t sleep with her! She just –” He runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “She said she wasn’t feeling it and took off. And I fell asleep in her bed half-dressed. I promise you.”

  “But you threw yourself at her anyway.”

  “I said I’d leave you alone and I am. I’m trying to forget you, Rose.”

  “Right.” My laugh is louder this time. “Well, good luck with that.”

  I turn to storm out the door when he grabs my hand and pulls me into him. On top of him. We tumble onto my bed, his chest pinned beneath mine and his eyes burning into me.

  “Since the first time we ran into each other, every girl’s bed I’ve slept in, I’ve wished with all my heart it was yours instead,” He murmurs.

  “Liar.” I snarl. “Let me go!”

  I stop struggling when his hand ghosts up my back, plays with the hem of my shirt, and dips below it, fingers tracing my spine so tenderly I nearly let out a gasp.

  “Every girl,” Lee leans up, planting kisses on my jugular. “Every touch, every moan, every sensation, I imagined was coming from you. Because of you. Do you know what that does to a person’s mind? I’m insane now. Insane because of you.”

  His fingers reach my bra clasp and he undoes it easily and caresses the expanse of skin now freed. His hand inches around my ribcage and up just a little, where the swell of my breasts begin. I instinctively drop my head into the crook of his neck, too weak to hold it up. My face is on fire. This is wrong. So wrong. Lee’s mouth is right next to my ear as he speaks, low and soft.

  “Take some responsibility for what you’ve done to me.”

  Something hard and insistent presses against my thigh, and my entire body feels like it’s going to burst into flames. That hard pressure brings reality into the heady mix of my emotions – this is real. This is very real. And if I don’t stop it, it’s going to spiral out of control and he’ll get exactly what he wants – me, wrapped around his finger enough to marry him, and then the money is his. He’ll keep me in a web of lies and this heated passion for three months if I let him. This isn’t love. This is him playing me like a piano.

  I give a mighty shove and manage to get on my feet and free of his arms.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Away from you,” I murmur, and pull my shoes on again.

  “Rose, please.” His voice is pleading. “Please don’t leave me like this.”

  I finish tying my shoes and look at him, brow quirked. “Like what?”

  He squirms around the tent in his boxers. I blush.

  “T-That’s your problem. Take care of it yourself.”

  “I’ll have to.” He buries his face in my pillow, words muffled. “Right here. Where it smells like you.”

  I flush. “G-Go do it in your own room!”

  “You really hate me, don’t you?” He laughs bitterly. “That’s what this is. You’re torturing me because you hate me.”

  “I’m not torturing anyone! You’re just being melodramatic.”

  He laughs, more sincere this time, and rolls over, watching me pull my jacket on. “Where are you going?”

  “On a date.”

  His eyes widen. “Oh. Good. Have fun.”

  “You’re being very nonchalant about this. I thought you liked me.”

  “I do. But I respect your choices.”

  “Awfully gentlemanly of you.”

  “I respect your choices, but that sure as hell doesn’t mean I won’t ‘happen’ to be going to the same restaurant you and your date are.”

  “Movie theater,” I correct automatically, and wince that I gave it away that easily. “Damnit!”

  His smile is precocious and satisfied. “Like I said. Have fun.”

  ~~~

  “Do you really have to walk with me?” I snap, pulling my windbreaker tighter around me. Lee shrugs.

  “We’re both going to the same place. Girls shouldn’t walk around alone at night in seedy alleys.”

  “Which is why you’re walking with me. Because you were afraid you’d get jumped and need my protection.”

  He snorts. I sidestep a dumpster. He jumps over a puddle easily with his long legs to catch up.

  “Do you really have to stalk me all the way there?” I sigh.

  “How dare you!” He squawks. “I’m simply going to watch a movie my friend recommended.”

  “We’re not friends. And the only thing I’d recommend to you is walking off a cliff.”

  He clutches his jacket over his heart. “Your tongue is sharp as your looks tonight, milady.”

  I knead my forehead to ease my building headache. The lights of the megaplex glow warm against the cold city nightscape.

  “Don’t you have some other girls you could be bothering?”

  Lee heaves a sigh. “They’re boring. I’ve been up to my knees in boring girls since I was fifteen. You, you’re interesting. Weird and interesting.”

  “Gee, thanks.” Red creeps into my cheeks. “Can you at least walk ahead or behind? I don’t want Brendan to see me with you.”

  “It’s fine. Just say I’m your brother if you’re really worried about it.”

  I whirl to face him, my cheeks burning ever redder.

  “I don’t…I don’t know how these things work. I don’t want anything to go wrong, and you here isn’t helping, so –”

  It dawns on Lee slowly. Very slowly. His mouth makes a little ‘o’.

  “Is this your first date?” He asks, face a mix of awe and hilarity, like he wants to burst out laughing but is too amazed to. I draw myself up to my full height.

  “Yeah. So? Is there something wrong with that?”

  “What about high school? Didn’t you -?”

  “I had braces,” I cut him off. “And I was – am – flat. And I had really bad zits, can you just drop it and keep walking? Preferably away from me?”

  He makes a noise in his throat and starts walking ahead of me. There’s a line at the ticket booth, but Brendan’s at the entrance, waving two tickets like a flag. Lee gets in line and I breathe a sigh of relief and plaster on the best smile I can.

  “Hey, sorry I’m late –”

  “By thirty - ” Brendan checks his phone. “ - Three seconds. Shame on you.”

  I laugh, small and timid. I should be brave. If I can’t actually be confident, I should at least act like it. It’ll make things smoother, easier.

  “Quick,” I extend my hand. “Give me the peanut brittle and I’ll hide it.”

  Brendan smiles and shoves a plastic bag of still-warm brittle in my hands. I mash it in my purse and cover it with a few tissues. The theater is pretty busy, but it is Saturday.

  “Do you want anything else?” Brendan nods at the snack bar. “I might really like peanut brittle, but I’m not a cheap bastard.”

  “N-No, it’s fine!” The last thing I want is a guy buying me things. It feels weird. “I’m just gonna get a water. Do you want to get the seats? I’ll meet you there.”

  He nods and disappears in the crowd. I stand in line at the snack bar as a whistle h
ooks my attention.

  “He’s a good-looking catch,” Lee’s voice is low in my ear. He’s behind me in line. “Blonde, nice butt. Isn’t he that guy who runs the school newspaper? Brando, or something?”

  “Brendan,” I hiss. “And aren’t you straight?”

  “I can appreciate a handsome guy,” Lee insists. “It’s why I look in the mirror every day.”

  “You’re a piece of work.” I force myself to breathe deeply to keep the massive headache at bay.

  “This is your first date,” Lee picks up a box of candy and a soda. “So let me give you some tips.”

  “No thank you.” I choose a bottled water.

  “Listen, sweetheart, I’ve been on more dates than the number of times you’ve inhaled.”

  “I wasn’t aware there were that many stupid females on planet Earth.”

  He laughs, and we go quiet, me angry and him too amused.

  “So when did it happen?” He finally asks.

  “When did what happen?”

  “The transformation.” He gestures at my body. “You said you had braces and zits but you don’t have them now. And you’re beautiful, now. Too beautiful to go first dateless for long. When did the transformation happen?”

  “You mean from high school ugly to college ugly? Only took one day, really, and it was the first day of freshmen year –”

  “Don’t talk like that,” He interrupts.

  “Like what?”

  “You’re not ugly. You never have been and you never will be and it pisses me off when I hear you talk like that.” He grabs the water bottle out of my hands and puts it with his stuff in front of the cashier.

  “Hey!”

  “Just these, please,” Lee flashes a winsome smile at the cashier that makes her eyes bug out of her head. He hands me the bottle and I snatch it angrily.

  “I can pay for things myself,” I hiss. He shrugs.

  “Consider it my apology. For following you here.”

  I hesitate. His voice in this moment is sincere, like his voice was when he cooked dinner at Grace’s. This is what I like about him. I like him when he’s sincere like this, none of the overconfident swagger and playboy sleaze.

  “Excuse me,” I bounce over to the counter. “An apology for being a clingy weirdo is going to cost you more than just a water.”